According to one of this week’s tabbies Angelina Jolie is going to take over mommy duty now that filming for Salt is done. Excuse me, I think the headline was “Angelina Jolie Plays Mommy!”

No, no. You do not play mommy. You ARE a mommy. Mommy is a 24/7 365 payless and often thankless job.

Oh, wait…unless you’re Morticia Jolie. In that case you can spend some time at a carnival, art shop or airport holding them, then hand them off to the nannies while you go throw knives or fly planes. If you ask me, this is the image she is hoping to project:

But THIS is the REAL Angelina Jolie (with the man I think is her perfect mate:)

And what the heck, while I’m judging celebrities let me post my favorite Brad Pitt photo. (We all know who he should be with. You know, that chick from Friends with the hair.)

And by the way, I adore all four people mentioned in this post, I am not anti-Angelina or anti-Jen but I am definitely pro-Brad…yum…

Brad the cute and mellow political activist:

And I’m posting this one just because…stay in bed Brad, darling I’m on my way…ah, dreams…

Is it just me, or are tabloids becoming boring? Maybe it’s because I’ve been reading them compulsively for the past two years. (Ever since Anna Nicole’s death, I’ve been obsessed with celebrity gossip.)

But really. I’m sick of photos of what the stars are wearing and who wore it better. (I think I already ranted about that in my “Who Rocked the Frock” post.) How do you rock a frock anyway? I have this picture in my head about throwing a rock at a dress.

Anyway…

The other parts I don’t like are the “Hot Picks of the Week” sections: products that the magazine staffers think are hot. Whatever. I would not use those products, even if I had the money.

I also get sick of the other “fillers” such as the makeup and hair pages. Rarely do these sections give me tips that I actually consider. I have my makeup and hair routine down to a T; I do it almost the same way all the time, and I like it that way. I do not change colors or hairstyles with the seasons. I don’t like the clothing and handbag sections either. Even if I could afford new clothes and handbags, I wouldn’t be taking fashion tips from tabloids. The ad section in the back, I understand that. They need paid advertisers, and it’s only 2 pages. I just skip it.

But the articles are boring too. How many magazines wrote an article about Leann Rimes cheating? Who cares? I think I ranted about that in another post as well.

And what’s with all this Twilight stuff? I have never watched the show and probably never will. I’m getting tired of seeing the Twilight actors throughout the magazines. I just skip those pages.

And Fergie. Seriously, I had never heard of her until I started reading tabloids. Then I heard one of her songs and thought it sucked.

I wonder, how do they determine which stories are newsworthy? For instance, why would they print a Twilight story over a story about another show? Why do they choose to print articles about Fergie instead of another musician? What is it about Fergie that makes her so popular with the media? Gigi, maybe you can help me out here.

People that will never tire of are Brangelina, Jen, Britney Spears, and Lindsay Lohan. You’d think I would but I’m addicted to these people. I have a celebrity addiction! Dr. Drew, HELP!

I wasn’t so sure that Jennifer Aniston was still really hung up on Brad Pitt.

However, the most recent issue of Star Magazine has done a wonderful job of proving it to me.

On the cover you will see “Is Tori Anorexic?” (Sigh…she does look too thin I think) and in the corner “Split!” The little pink circle in the middle says “Blame It On Jen!” (Another sigh…give the woman a freaking break, why is it ALWAYS her fault?)

Usually I wouldn’t go for this rumor as we’ve all heard it a million times. However…

There is a photo of Jen wearing a necklace Brad gave her during their relationship. It is very obvious and noticeable. Why would she wear it so openly if she didn’t want Brad to know she still loved him? Also the article talks about how she booked salon visits in his hotel in the hopes of running into him.

Personally, I think Angelina should go back to Billy Bob. Brad should go back to Jen. Angelina and Brad could work out a custody agreement for their children. Everyone would be happier I bet. Including Jen.

I am not on Jen’s side or Angelina’s side, I just call ‘em as I see ‘em.

I was quite disappointed with the March 30th issue of US Weekly. Leann Rimes is on the cover. “Leann Rimes Caught in an Affair” reads the headline. So? Who cares if Leann Rimes had an affair? Who cares what she does? Has she even put out an album lately? I don’t know, I don’t listen to country. I haven’t even read the article yet and I’m not too eager. It’s not that I don’t like Rimes, but I really don’t give a rat’s butt about her. I’m more interested in “Octo Mom’s New Home”. (In case you didn’t know, I’m an Octomom freak. I follow her never-ending soap opera and post about it on Angelina Jolie Lookalikes.

Anyway, why can’t these magazines come up with more exciting people to grace their covers, such as Brangelina and Jen? Everyone wants to read about all the wierdness that goes on with them, especially the feuds! Remember last month when all the tabloids were reporting on the “big feud” between Jen and Angelina at the awards ceremony? Well, I read the complete stories in at least two of those ‘zines (not sure which ones because I threw them out), and there was no feud. They avoided each other the entire evening. The reports were that it was awkward for Jen who was on stage announcing the nominees while Brad and Angelina were sitting in a front row seat. One magazine said that at one point Jen sort of spaced out and forgot what she was saying. A couple tabloids reported that she smiled at Brad. How do they know she was smiling at him? Maybe she was smiling at someone else, maybe even *gasp* Angelina!

I know what would make a perfect story: Angelina and Jen having an affair and making Brad jealous. I could just make this up, like everyone else does. I could tell tales of secret steamy rendevous in posh hotels, drinking too much wine in clubs and hanging all over each other. Then they could even start hanging out with Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. But Angelina would not dump Brad for Jen, no. “She wants to have her cake and eat it too,” said the source, who would be me. I wonder who the “sources” really are. Maybe the sources are a dog, or a Hello Kitty doll. I think I’m going to make my source my son’s fish “Fred”. That way if the word ever gets out that Fred’s the source, he doesn’t have to worry about getting sued for slander. I don’t think you can sue a fish.

Here is a photo of Jen admiring Angelina while Angelina looks lovingly into her eyes. This was taken just last week. (It’s not photoshopped either; I’m too cheap for that, so I used Paint).

Here is a photo of Jen seducing Angelina with a cherry.

“We’ve all known for quite some time that Angelina is bi, but I’m surprised to find out Jen swings that way as well. I don’t know if it’s a phase or if she’s been hiding in the closet all these years. Come to think of it, she does have a lot of female friends… hmmm….” the source pondered.

I can see the headlines now:
“Brad furious… Angelina having an affair… with HIS EX-WIFE!”

“Angie and Jen – are they gay? What Brad has to say about it.”

I tell you what, whoever can get that story will make millions! So, Star, OK, In Touch, whoever, CALL ME! I’m the source! I’ll give you the story everyone’s been DYING to hear!

I can’t believe this: In the March 16th issue of OK! Weekly, there is a spread on pages 34 to 35 comparing Lauren Conrad to Jennifer Aniston! The title “IS LC THE NEW JEN?” sprawls across the top in huge letters.

Why does OK! Magazine think Lauren resembles Jen? Well, because she has a “TV BFF”, she’s had her heart broken (who hasn’t), she loves the beach (who doesn’t), she loves her dog (who doesn’t), and she dates her co-stars. Okay, not everyone has a “TV BFF” and dates their co-stars but the rest of the comparisons are pretty lame. They even posted pictures of the two wearing similar outfits, doing similar things.

Please. Don’t even go there. Lauren Conrad is nothing more than a glorified reality TV star while Jen is a highly accomplished actress. Actually, I rarely read celebrity news about LC because I don’t think she’s important. I watched The Hills once, to see what all the fuss was about, and it was so lame I could only stand about 5 minutes of it.

Jen on the other hand has been around a long time and has worked hard to get where she is. She’s been through some hard times but she has handled it with dignity and grace. I think that sometimes the media gets to her but she keeps her chin up. I have the utmost respect for Jen, and it just infuriates me that someone would actually call someone as lame as LC “The New Jen”. LC is not the new Jen. There is no “new” Jen. There never will be a new Jen. Jen is Jen and she will always be THE JEN. No one can replace her!